i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
