just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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