Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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