I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
