he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
