we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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