my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
