I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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