**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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