Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
