Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
