I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
