We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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