Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
