i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need to stop coming to work sober
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
