I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
