I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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