I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
