I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
