no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my sisters under your porch take her home
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
