the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
