i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
