he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
