so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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