I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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