if only i could text you this smell
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
