somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
