Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
