I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
