My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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