Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
one two three fourrrrnication!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
