Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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