Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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