sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
