So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
