I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
