I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
