she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
