oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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