After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sober January is a disaster.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
