How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is my gift to your gina
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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