I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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