Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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