I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
