she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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