I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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