on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
