she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am one with the molecules
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
