He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
