i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
