Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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